This Sucks!

The biggest trouble I ever got into in school was saying the words "this sucks" in class. Coach Truss can probably remember. I hated math, still do, and he would sit us in order of our test grade. Of course I was terrible at taking tests and make it a math test, well let's just say I never moved off the front row. After serveral weeks of this humiliation I announced to him and the rest of the class that "this sucks." Worst trouble of my life. So, to this day I very rarely say those worlds...until today. 

 I now have something I hate worse than math tests. Usually when I post on this blog I am positive and for the most part I try to have that outlook about my illness. But today has been a hard day. Today has SUCKED. I haven't really posted much on days when I feel like this and I need to. I need people to see that I'm not always positive. People comment all the time about me being courageous or inspiring. I feel extremely uncomfortable with words like that being said about me. I don't feel courageous or inspiring at all. I feel like I'm doing what anyone else would be doing if they were in my shoes. People don't see days like today where I'm upset, and angry, and feeling sorry for myself. I had a rough weekend and long story short it was a bad reaction to my IVIG on Friday. Since each time I get an infusion it is from a different donor, then you never know how you'll react. Good to know now that it's been 11 months on it! 

So on days like today I cry. I question myself, I worry that others are questioning me and my abilities, and yes I feel sorry for myself. I feel like a bad mom, worse than most days, and I pray for Rory who always listens to me and does ALWAYS stay positive. Days like today suck. The end.